untitled

काफ़िर हूँ
रंज छुपाता हूँ
तेरे दर पे आके
मैं बस मुस्कुराता हूँ

कतरा हूँ
तेरी ही ज़िन्दगी का
दायरों को मानता नहीं
दिल में रहूँगा सदा
मैं कोई अंत जानता नहीं

ज़िद हूँ
कभी तुम्हारे अलफ़ाज़ बनके
कभी तुम्हारी रूह की तहों में
यूँ लुक छिप करके
तुमसे ही मैं बचूँगा

चाहत हूँ
जो पूरी कर लो तो अधूरा रहूँ
और छोड़ना चाहो जो साथ
एक आस बनके तुमको तड़पाऊँ

मैं तुम हूँ कभी
कभी एक अनजान
ढूँढोगी तो भी ना मिलूँगा
बरसों की है तुमसे पहचान
रोज़ उलझन सी ज़िन्दगी को
जब तुम सुलझाओ
मैं वो हूँ
जो देता जाऊं तुम्हें मुस्कान

hisaab

सिकुड़ी है दुनिया,
मेरी नज़र आजकल बस
मेरे आशिएँ तक की
फ़िर टकरा जाती है
सख़्त निर्जीव दीवारों से
वापस मेरे ही ज़ेहन में,
सिमट, सिकुड़ जाने के लिए

आसमां का टुकड़ा है एक
जैसे हिसाब से दिया मुझे
वही टुकड़ा रोज़ देखती हूँ
गर्दन को लम्बा किये
उसके बदलते रंग निहारती हूँ
उड़ते पंछी रुख करते हैं
कभी कभी इस टुकड़े को ओर
मेरे मन को पुलकित करने के लिए

चाँद रोज़ नहीं दिखता
कभी मुझसे मिलता है
तो कभी मेरे पड़ोसियों से
हिसाब उसको भी आ गया है
पर चाँदनी है अल्हड़
रोज़ मिलके गुदगुदाती है मुझे

कितने हिसाब किये हैं
जीवन भर हमने
आज वही चुकता रहें हैं शायद
टुकड़े जो किये हमने कई बार
उन्ही को समेट रहें हैं अब

नज़र है बेचैन
और श्वास है व्याकुल
किन्तु सूर्य की लालिमा जैसे
रूह अब भी है प्रबल
कि जो पूरा आसमां मिले कल सर पे
हिसाब कर देंगे हम सारे लुप्त
टुकड़ो के फ़लसफ़े पीछे जाएंगे छूट
जो सृष्टि दे हमें जब ऐसा कल 

wo awaaz

एक अनजानी आवाज़
दौड़े मेरे कदम... एक दम..
फ़िर ठिठके और ठहरे
मैंने कानों को टटोला
सुना था क्या तुमने सही ?
या यूँ ही ख़यालों की बोलियों
को माना तुमने सच ही

नई सी थी वो आवाज़
पर कुछ थी जानी सी भी
जैसे एक भूली याद
मिलने को मचलती हुई
सोचा मैंने...
राज़ खोल दूँ,  कि जाने दूँ
पर फिर सोचा...
रुकने का नाम नहीं है ज़िन्दगी...

फिर क्या था...
मिनटों की थी दूरी
क्षणों में पार करी
खोला किवाड़ अपने घर का
झट से.... अकड़ के
आखिर हफ्तों बाद
घंटी बजायी थी
मेरे घर की किसी ने ... !!!!

doori

दिल तो कहता है,

पर रहने दे

ये कुछ कदम की दूरी है

बस रहने दे

तेरे बस में भी है

और मेरे भी
तेरा भी इक जहाँ है
और मेरा भी

आज खुद को ही
इस ख्याल से गले लगा
कि साथ होने का एहसास
कुछ तुझ में है
और कुछ मुझ में भी

दिल तो कहता है
फासलों को जोड़ दे यूँ ही
पर रहने दे
ये कुछ कदम की दूरी
आज... बस रहने दे 

Courage!

Questions knocking our door,

more than the neighbours next door

Fear finding it's place

in our minds, in our space...

What's next if there is one?

Will there be a day where anxious will be none?

That feeling of doom,

That was hiding somewhere

is out in the open

with a challenging stare

Worries dominate our eyes

shut or wide open

Panic is getting it's share..

whispering...we may be done!

Should we falter?

After all humans are we,

Should we surrender?

May be this is how it had to be

Should we give up faith?

After all ambushed are we,

The numbers, the charts and science

All struggling against an unknown enemy

Should we stall and retreat?

In the mid of our journey..

But...

Why should we surrender?

We are heart, minds and soul...

We form the life

for which this earth is known

Why should we bow to defeat?

without even a fight..

For we are warriors

Even though today, 

we are in a silent zone..

Why should we give up faith?

without first believing in our strengths

Why should we succumb?

before the enemy bends..

Why should we despair?

without building mountains of courage

Why should we not win?

For...

After all humans are we!!!

Yes...humans we are!

That day when it is over

That day when it is over...

I will just sit by the window 

And bask in the rising sun..

Take in the moment

Of a fresh start

After the fear of uncertainty is done

That day when it is over,

I will smile at my friends lovingly

For just remembering them some of the days,

Had put a smile on me assuringly

That day when it is over

My kids will get that special treat

It may just be my time with them

But it would be without this...

constantly rising disturbing number sheet

That day when it is over

I will thank the birds that are around me

For even though I was not listening to them whatsoever

They never stopped singing to me consistently

That day when it is over

I will forget that it had ever happened

I will forget these hopeless jitters 

I will forget to crave for virtual connection

I will enjoy, with people, the beauty of the evenings

I will hold every hand that needs me

I will welcome the warmth of humanity

I will embrace nature's soothing beauty

And I will forget these lonesome days

That day, when these days are over...


                  -Ritu Sama

Your home is your haven this summer

The universe is strange - there are so many of everyone and everything - humans, microbes, flora (though decreasing), insects, machines, phones, garbage, germs  and of course virus! There are so many of these and we are just one of them, but we are a part of this whole, so any of this can affect us, even though we are just a minuscule particle in one minuscule corner of the world. We are at a point where we have realised how linked we are and we can affect the whole chain and get affected too.

It's time to move ten (or perhaps hundred) steps back and change the course of our day-to-day life now - right away. It's time to be with yourself and let the universe be - it's time to cut off, just be spectators - not participate, build a world of your own in your corner. Let all the corners stay away for a few days, weeks, so that we are able to rebound. 

Is it so difficult? Are most of us scared of living with our own self or rather with just our family? Are we wary of a slow and simple living so much? What can we do?

A few steps in that direction - hopefully changes the perspective and helps us to embrace this temporary change with a smile....

1. Your house is your haven. Create corners and zones. Corners for reading a book, for finishing that long pending sketch, for watching television, for a board game with family, for that special cup of tea by the window, corner for introspection. Different corners add variety to your life and the day shall pass by without having to look at just a few boring walls. (mothers of course may not like to get out of their reading corner for the whole day though :-D) 

2. Set times - Don't let the hours blend in...it makes the day seem long and by the end of it you are thoroughly bored and exhausted by the monotony. Set different times of the day for different activities - more energetic in the morning - finish off that strenuous work or exercise and then after lunch sit with your favourite book or hobby. The enthusiasm will not die down this way - every hour would have something different to offer and your senses will always be pleased :)

3. It may be time to take out your old albums with slightly yellowed photos at the edges. Go down the memory lane with your kids. Reminisce your childhood and share with your kids. You may also realise how different their childhood is than yours was. Digitise the physical photos if you want. 

4. Ask the kids to organise their stuff and if you don't step into their room, they will be happily engaged for hours!!!

5. Learn a new language - make use of any language learning book if you have or you bought with the anticipation of learning but never got the time. Do it with your kids and mind you, they will overtake you in no time!

6. Don't be obsessed with television and news - while watching the idiot box may be our favourite pastimes but it creates a sudden vacuum as soon as it is switched off. Watch it in small time periods.

7. Step out - morning and evening are of course the best times to enjoy the cool weather. Don't do this in groups. Enjoy the solitary walk with your favourite music humming in your ears. Observe the nature and people around. You don't always need to be with them, to be with them!! 

8. Develop more indoor hobbies - there are many and with the power of net, there is no dearth to explore. For instance - kids would enjoy card making. Ask them to make cards for all their friends's birthday in the next quarter or if they are enthused then next six months. There are beautiful you tubes of 3D card making. Dust those big building blocks and thousand pieces puzzles!

9. Go for a run or jog - go for an early morning drive (no eating outside). Practice driving now that the traffic is less :). Go for hiking on nature trails or just cycle around. 

10. Read, read and read - step into the dream world of books and stories, it takes the stress away. Write book reviews and post it online (kids can also learn to write elaborate book reviews). Who knows that by reading so much, by the end of a few weeks, you start writing as well :)

11. Use technology to be connected to your near and dear ones - this is the time to do video calls - this will keep you happy after all humans are social animals.

12. If you have a garden - plant a few vegetables. See them grow which you wouldn't have been able to in your hectic lifestyle. 

13. Enjoy home food - involve your kids (boys or girls) in the kitchen. Appreciate the art of cooking - don't hurry. You may never know by the end of it, your kid may want to become a baker or a chef!!
14. Setup a small tent in the balcony or that terrace of yours - that may turn out to be the favourite corner of the young minds.

15. Let the kids get bored and then reward them by playing a board game with them after your work is over. Let their mind be idle for sometime, idle minds finally turn into creative ones. 

16. Talk to kids...let them talk and you listen. Let them share their dreams, mindless thoughts and ideas, senseless jokes and laughter. 

17. Needless to say, there is a lot of online stuff where the kids can enrol to. But let us do that in moderation - its time for us to connect with them and let all of us connect with ourselves too. 

18. Let the time crawl slowly and in no time, these days will be over and we will emerge richer (not in the literal sense of course!) and stronger! 

There can be many many more in the list...just shed your inhibitions of leading a slightly different life for sometime. And while you do all this, wash your hands often !!!
This too shall pass and soon we can go back into our connected universe!

Women's day....

Its that day

Get ready

That shimmering dress

Lying in the closet picked

Makeup's minimal

I highlight the shades of kohl

Rummage through my jewellery box

those special earrings

Oh! Adorn I may

Yes, hesitantly my heart says...

Why not today?

Family calling

Hurry! those precious hours

waiting just for me

Table booked

Friends invited

It's all set

Oh! Be charmed I may

Yes, anxiously my heart says...

Why not today?

He meets my eye

doling out affection

I wink at him...

at the sudden transformation 

You are unique

As he toasts just for me...

Its ethereal 

Oh! rejoice I may

Yes, lurchingly my heart says...

Why not today?

Its the next morning,

The kids cry out for their things

He's in a rush,

The clock's characteristically speeding

I get ready 

leaving yesterday's magic behind

It's no longer my day,

Flowers have withered

Sparkling cutlery's gone

dresses and tresses no longer flowing

It's just another regular dawn

I pick up the cup,

Of my tea, 

to toast just with me,

Oh! cherish I may

Yes undoubtedly, my heart says...

Indeed why not everyday....

Beyond

Look into my eyes
but they may deceive you
You may never come to know
For I may be just looking through you...
I may be with you
but...
weaving my own dreams
For there is a vast space
apart from what is just under your gaze

Touch my heart
but the beats may elude you
You may never come to know
For I may not be want you to construe
There are layers to unfold
and...
you may get lost in the maze
For it may be beyond your fathom
that your restricted mind may trace

Talk to me with words
but you may not like the sound of mine
You may never come to know
For I may not be just speaking of you
There are stories that go beyond you
So...
Just be with me
beyond words
beyond beats
and beyond dreams
For there are just simple tiny moments
that are waiting for just you and me....

Ghunghroo - my first tryst

While the whole world has been talking about COVID-19 and how rampant it has become, and the TV channel reporters have been screaming at the top of their voices about how many cases are being reported every single minute, I continued with my Kathak classes. A one and a half hour of pure detachment from the real and sometimes ugly happenings of the world. A childhood dream that I am realising after hitting forty - nevertheless a dream come true if not sooner then later.

Music and dance hitting those notes in my life, which I had been wanting to hear for so long, as long as I have lived may be. And yesterday, when I danced with ghunghroos on my feet for the first time, it was elation that I could never think I would experience...So, here's a short poem for the new addition in my life...

They kissed my ankles..

I danced to their rhythm

A foot at a time

in quick succession

Sounds they echoed

Gentle, musical, 

A beat at a time

but sometimes...

like a hundred little kids 

rejoicing as they intermingle

And...

and touching my heart

blessing my feet

caressing my mind

soothing my ears

as they clung to me

following my movements

and making my soul truly dance

within a joyful me...

Those dreams

Sometimes in my dreams I see you ..
Or only sometimes I remember
those dreams when I see you...


Those are the mornings..
that are rewarded
And those are the afternoons
that are treasured
Then those are the evenings
Those dreams are like a sheath of you
Those dreams when I had seen you
Those dreams where I remembered you


Finally those are the nights
When those dreams feel real
And in my sleep, I remember the days
Those days when I remembered the dreams
Those dreams when I had seen you

O Romeo and Juliet

O Romeo and Juliet
Names of you
more than just your names
Like eternal love
in life's insipid veins
Like that greed
to be immortal
in thy lover's eyes
Like that insanity
Which never leaves
Even when love dies


O Romeo and Juliet
Stories of you
more than just words
Like gifts of wishes...
in the hollow cove of life
Divine as to be felt..
even for a tiny moment
A lifetime of treasure
that would be thine
Like psalms of faith
salvaging wavering minds


O Romeo and Juliet
Why were you two to be met
For naïve would have been love
And as explicable...
As rage, pleasure and regret
You made it felt....
like fire in a soul
like rage never known
like heart throbbing with ecstasy
like death's last moan..

raftaar

मैं चलाती ही रही साँसों का कारवाँ
ये ज़िन्दगी ले आई मुझे कहाँ
फलसफा शायद रह गया अधूरा
या फ़िर इसी को कहते हैं
चल हो गया सफर अब पूरा


बहुत लम्बी लिस्ट इच्छाओं की
जो अब भी मेरे मन को है कचोटती
वो जो खुशियाँ सदियों से हैं बटोरी
उनको बांटने को मैं हूँ तरसती


मेरी जेहन में ही हैं क़ैद
अभी तो लम्बे फ़लसफ़े
सोचा था बैठूंगी कागज़ कलम लिए
और बना दूँगी उनको लफ्ज़ सुनहरे


अभी तो बस लगा था थमी है
वक़्त की कुछ रफ़्तार
और मुठ्ठी में आयी है
जीवन की ये धार


मेरे आँगन के हर पौधे को
बताना था मेरा नाम
और सेहला के उनके पत्तों को
पूछना था हौले से मेरे लिए पैगाम


पडोस में झांककर
बनानी थी नयी दोस्तियाँ
फिर कहकहे गूंजती घंटो भर
और बीच में होती मधुर
चाय की चुस्कियाँ


कदमों को आज़ादी का
तोहफ़ा देना है बचा
आजतक तो बस तेज़
रफ़्तार की गिरफ्त में था कारवां


मग़र धागे बहुत उलझे से हैं अब
जैसे मज़बूत जाल एक अनंत
निकलेंगी इससे जो साँसे बदहवाज़
कौन जाने रहेगी तब उनमें कोई श्वास?

aisa kyun

ऐसा क्यों लगता है कि तुम होके भी नहीं हो
कि तुम्हारी हँसी तो गूंजती है कानों में मेरे
पर तुम्हारे दिल की मुस्कराहट
मुझसे दूर कहीं क्षितिज पे ठहरी हो

ऐसा क्यों लगता है कि हाथ थामे चल तो दिए 
पर एहसास नहीं होता मुझे होने का तेरे 
मेरे मन के कोने में एकांत सा है वातावरण 
और भीड़ में भी संग तुम्हारे हम अकेले 

ऐसा क्यों लगता है कि तुमसे कहके भी कुछ ना कहा 
लफ़ज़ कई तुम्हारे पर दर्ज़ हुए ना ज़ेहन में मेरे
जैसे घंटों किस्से बोले तुमने मुझसे
पर मेरे कानों में ख़ामोशी के आलम ही रहे

ऐसा क्यों लगता है कि तुम्हे आज भी ढूंढती हूँ
कि तुम्हारी ही आँखों में कहीं पा जाऊं तुम्हें
ऐसा क्यों लगता है जब भी साथ होती हूँ तुम्हारे
कि तुमसे ही माँगना चाहती हूँ मैं तुम्हे

Did it happen?

Did you really meet me that day?
Or was I dreaming all the way?
Was the twilight sparkling like diamonds?
Or was it just a few drops on my window's ledge?


Did the moon wink at me?
Or was my heart just dancing with glee?
Were we sharing that cup of tea?
Or were your thoughts driving me crazy?


Did my neighbour give me an appreciative glance?
Or was it just my radiant self doing the prance?
Was the path rolling dreamily underneath me?
Or were my frivolous steps causing the symphony?


Did the happy moments really knock persistently?
Or were they just the sounds of my wish to be happy ?
Did you really tell me what I wanted to hear?
Or was it my heart's wish just playing another trick on me?

wo darakht mere shehar ka

एक दरख्त मेरे घर से कुछ दूर

लंबा मज़बूत तना सीना 

और टहनियां सर्पीली, फ़ैली हुई

लहराती हवा में मौज मस्ती से चूर

 

जब गुज़रती थी मैं वहां से

खुसपुसर पत्ते करते थे मुझे देख

मैं मुस्कुराती तो फ़ूल उसके 

बिखर जाते ज़मीन पर

गहरे लाल और पीले

 

मुझे छेड़ते - कि रौंदों फूलों को जितना

नई सुबह के साथ नए रंग और भी खिलेंगे

मैं भी थी अल्हड़, खूब झूलती

टहनियों को तोड़ती

और वो चुपचाप अपनी बाहें फैलाये

छाया की गोद बनाता मेरे लिए

 

रोज़ का दस्तूर था सहेलियों के साथ

उन रास्तों से गुज़रना

उस दरख्त का मुझे देखना

और मेरा उस पर नज़र रखना

 

बहुत सालों बाद लौटी हूँ मैं

अपने शहर

लंबी काली सड़के पार करके

अब मेरा घर भी बड़ा है इस शहर की तरह

आधुनिकता की ओर अग्रसर

 

पर अब उस दरख्त की आवाज़ नही पड़ती कानों में

एक शोर उसे निगल गया है

बस एक छोटा सा जख्मी तना है मेरे बंगले के पास

भीड़ के बीच में उपेक्षित परिवेश पहने

ना छाया और ना ही रंगों का एहसास

 

अब धूप बहुत कड़ी लगती है 

जब उस रास्ते से गुज़रती हूँ मैं

आंखों में चुभता है अब वो रास्ता

सख्त बेजान और कोरा

 

उन टहनियों के साथ मेरी यादों के पन्ने गुम गए

सिहाई हल्की सी और शब्द मिटे से हुए

अब अनजान है वो रास्ता

अब अनजान सा मेरा शहर मुझे लगे

Winters

I see the sun shying away
sooner than the past few days
Taking more hours off
like a child running off to play
Or an old man going senile
Panting for breath,
tired after just a mile


The chill reaches the bone
Like a demon ready to devour
Warm hearts feeling alone
Watching the sun shrink every hour
Even the horizon is hiding behind the haze
As if the sky is suddenly closing its gaze



The days squeeze between the nights
trying to find a place in winter's story
The greys blues and browns dominate
As if the palette has lost its glory
Till the spring flowers show their smiling face
Till the air is sprinkled with the spring's grace
Till that speck from the sun carries a warm trace
Its just a surrender to the winter's blaze